Idealistic Versus Realistic

I sit in front of my laptop, my knees pulled up and leaning on the desk. My fingers rest on home row as if frozen in place. I can't order my thoughts. I turn on my Hans Zimmer Pandora station, put my laptop on the floor, and begin to clean. I stand all my books up straight, put papers in their folders, crack my neck and back, put my hair in a bun, move my dirty socks to the hamper, put my backpack in the closet, put my snacks back into the pantry. I'll wash the dishes or vacuum if I'm really stuck. Then, I come back to my desk and sit upright. I pull out scrap paper and a pencil, and begin to doodle. It is easier for me to be creative through drawing than writing, so I often have to get my 'creative juices flowing' by sketching a bit.

As I shetch I think. I plan. As ideas come to me I type them out. Ideas for a point, for phrasing, for a theme. Then I face that mostly empty word document again and begin to order it all. Since I've been drawing I have an idea of where I want my paper to go, what I want it to say. Half the time I don't even keep those original ideas, nonetheless they are important. Once I have it organized I begin to fill it out, make complete sentences, work on integrating the theme. Then I cut and past and reorder everything so it fits better. I add to some paragraphs, delete other paragraphs, break some paragraphs into two. I keep reworking it, trying not to get attached to any idea or phrase so that I can bring myself to delete it if I decide it doesn't work for the piece.

Then I read it and change it some more, and add an introduction and conclusion. And read it again. Then, I save it and close the document. I try to leave it alone for a couple days. I come back and read it again. Sometimes I frown and delete whole sections but other times I am surprised by how brilliant I was. 

Often I will ask someone else to read it, and while they do I come up with questions to ask them to see if things came across right or worked the way I intended. "What did you think of the title?", "Was the humor misplaced and irregular?", "What parts confused you?", "What do you want more information about?", and so on. They explain to me their comments, tell me other things I hadn't thought to ask about, and I make a few more changes.